Episode 46: What to do When You Create S**t in Your Karmic Relationship

In this episode, I go into detail about what it means to have a karmic relationship and how that relationship can help you grow. These karmic relationships can trigger you which is why they are so important. You need to know what to do when you are being triggered by these people and how that influences your karma.

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The Afterlife of Billy Fingers: How My Bad-Boy Brother Proved to Me There's Life After Death https://amzn.to/3cUGz7x

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Transcript

Hello everyone! And thank you for joining Spiritual Expansion and Ascension podcast. I'm super excited because today we are going to talk about why you create shit in your karmic relationships. And this is an important topic because karma, relationships, they kind of go hand in hand. So I want to go a little deeper into that. And when you create that, what does it really mean for your karma? And what does it mean for your relationship? 

But first, I just want to talk to you for just a couple minutes about my Akashic Records certification course, that course is an ongoing course. You get live calls with me. It's a very in-depth healing and coaching course. So this certification isn't just about certifying you. It's also about healing these lower karmic energies, transforming, transcending those lower frequencies so that you can anchor in your higher consciousness. Some of the new things I'm teaching in this course are anchoring in your higher consciousness, releasing old energies that you've accumulated in your cellular memory, and also working with the wounded child, some really profound work. So if you are interested in the certification, you can go to www.AkashicRecordsCertification.com. 

But let's get into this episode. We want to talk about karmic relationships. The thing is every relationship that you have is karmic. It has to be because it's part of our experience here. If you have a relationship with the person who changes the oil in your car, and it's a very mundane relationship, it's not going to really affect your karma, unless you do a lot of negative things activating this person, hurting this person. But most people want to know about their intimate relationships. Those are the relationships with your family, with your siblings, with your friends, with coworkers, with bosses, all of those are intimate relationships. And you may think, “I can't stand my boss. I do not have an intimate relationship with my boss,” but you do because in order to have a relationship, you have to have a karmic relationship.

 (02:50):

And the more time you spend with that person, there's a karmic relationship there. So no matter what is going on, you're creating a karmic entanglement with any relationship that you have. I titled this episode, “What do you do when you create shit in your relationship?” because a friend of mine was talking about her karmic relationship with a certain person, and she was talking about how they've had all these lifetimes together. But she said, “He triggers me.” And I found that really interesting because all karmic relationships will trigger us if we haven't worked on our lower frequencies. And we think the other person is creating shit in our relationship, because a) they're not nice to me, b) they've always abused me, c) some other reason, like it's them who's doing it to us. And the more we take responsibility for our own experiences, the more you're going to transcend those karmic relationships.

 (03:59):

So yeah, you're going to create in your relationships until you have dealt with your own karmic issues. So what does that mean for your karma itself? Karma is this idea that tit for tat, what I do to you you're going to do to me. If you killed me in a lifetime, we have to make up for that karma in this lifetime. That is not true. That is not what we're doing. What we are doing is experiencing and learning what it feels like to live in an environment where every action is creating your next experience. So every action you have has a karmic entanglement, and you get to see it in real time. You get to experience it, multi-layered. You get to see it in 3D. It's very different from the experience on the other side. And when you say, “Okay, they are doing this to me, it's their fault,” then you are not looking at what you are creating. This person, whoever it would be, would be in your life to help you witness yourself for you to notice your own shortcomings, your own karma, your own fears and your own lower frequencies. They are the mirror. They are the projection. We're just creating this to see ourselves. I see you in me. You see me in you. And that is helping us understand our entanglements, our interconnectivity. Now we do create shit in our own relationships. And the first thing you want to do is say, “Okay, I get that that person did this to me, but my reaction, that did not help my relationship, that did not help my energy.” And look at karma as a frequency. So karmic energy is a frequency. If you are holding a higher frequency, your karmic energy is at a higher frequency.

 (06:22):

If you are holding on to shame, guilt, anger, fear, discontent, wanting to hurt another, retribution, that is a lower karmic frequency. It's not about ‘if I kill you, you have to kill me.’ Or we have to work out “our karma” together. We don't, but we do help each other to work on our own karma. And when relationships are healthy, which I have seen very few, but when they are healthy, they really come from a place of wanting to grow together, to see the projections, to evolve through that. Instead of me getting angry at you because you keep drinking, I'm going to say, “Okay, what's in me that I'm avoiding? What am I numbing out in my life?” And that's what it means for your karma. Any relationship that you have that may be difficult in your life, I'm not talking about the healthy ones, put those aside for a minute, and really look how many healthy relationships do you have?

 (07:32):

You’ve got to ask yourself that question, but this means that you have the availability for these people to support you and show you how you are to navigate your world and what karmic patterns, lower frequency patterns, you have, like pattern of abandonment, pattern of abuse, pattern of fear, of control. All those patterns these beings are helping you see in your life. Now let's say you are creating some shit in your relationship. So what does this mean for your relationship? There are going to be people in your life who just won't get it, who won't try hard to work through things, who are in such a deep depth of their own lower frequencies of fear, anger, resentments, control, whatever they are. They may not be available to transcend the relationship with you, but you can do it for yourself and it will help them see what's possible and what's feasible in your relationship. I've done this with many relationships in my life, with my mother, with my siblings, with my children, I've transcended some of the lower things. So if I felt that they were triggering me, I looked at myself. I took a really hard look and I worked on myself from the inside. I was just telling my son the other day that if he was feeling a little wonky in his romantic relationship, that's on him, not on his girlfriend, because it comes from within. How you feel comes from within, not the other person making you feel anything. And last year, actually last Christmas, my sister said to me, “You're making me feel unworthy” or something like that. And I looked at her and I opened my heart and I sent her a lot of love. And I said, I'm not making you feel anything.

 (09:59):

I can't be responsible for how you feel. I'm going to acknowledge that you do feel that way, but I am not intentionally making you feel that way. Do you really think I'm intentionally trying to hurt you? I'm not. Do you want to talk about it? Of course she didn't and that's okay. But I recognize that if I was triggered then and tried to defend myself, if I try to say, “Well, that's not my intention.” Well, that energy is not good. That's not cool energy at all. What you want to recognize is that you are responsible for all of your relationships in your life, all of them. And I'm going to be fully transparent because you know, on this podcast, I like to be really transparent. I do have a sibling, my eldest sister, who is 12 years older than I am. I didn't grow up with her.

 (10:58):

We didn't have a relationship until we became adults. I don't have a relationship with her and it's never been a bad thing, like I hate her or anything else. I actually love her. I see her beauty. I see her amazingness, but to have a relationship with her, isn't what I am looking for. And I am really clear. I want really down to earth, authentic, loving, clear relationships. And that's what I try to develop with the people in my life. Unfortunately, with her own mental capacity, she is unable to have that sort of relationship. And it's not that I hate her. I just choose not to have a relationship with her. And I tell my clients this all the time, just because they are blood, does not mean that you have to have a relationship with them. You are not obligated to have a relationship with anyone, but if you want to transcend lower frequencies, you don't want to cut everyone out of your life because you're not transcending anything.

 (12:14):

You're spiritually bypassing. Now believe me, my other sisters did a great job helping me understand my triggers and everything else. This was just a more empathic honoring of myself, to be honest, when I did not have an intimate relationship with my sister. Yes, I do talk to her. If I see her at events, we chit chat maybe a little bit, but I don't have an intimate relationship with her. I'm not calling her on the phone, especially because she likes to gossip about everybody. I don't like to do that. But I still have relationships with other people in my family. Your relationships with everyone in your life is very important. You are responsible for yourself and how you treat others. So I try to treat others with love and respect. There are times I mess up with that and I will fully admit that, but I've gotten better and better,

 (13:24):

the more I have looked deep inside and asked what is really going on here. And let's talk about that for a second. So now we're going to talk about triggers. We use the word “trigger.” It's kind of a spiritual word that so many spiritual people use: trigger. So you are triggering me. In other words, you found my soft spot. You found the place where I feel the worst about myself. You found my shadow. You are experiencing my shadow. When I get upset with you, how do we create triggers? Our higher consciousness will say, “It's time for you to look at your abandonment issues and they will bring up your abandonment issues, maybe in a new relationship, maybe in an old relationship, maybe in the relationship with your parents or siblings or aunts, or maybe your best friend, your partner, right?

 (14:36):

Doesn't matter how, but your higher consciousness goes, “You know what? I need to look at this trigger of abandonment.” And remember abandonment is just my example. It doesn't mean just abandonment, fill in the blank. What is it for you? Is it fear? Is it anger? Is it control? Whatever it is. And your higher consciousness says, “Okay, we're going to have this person project their abandonment on you. And then you are going to get frustrated and you are going to feel like they are abandoning you, right? So they feel abandoned and you feel abandoned. And now you're going to have this conversation. And the conversation turns into a shit show. So here you are, you're going, “Yes, but you're telling me you're going to leave me” and they're going, “No, I didn't say I was going to leave you. I said, if you keep on doing this, I don't know if I can be in this relationship.”

 (15:37):

And then you say, “Well, that means that you're going to leave me.” Right? And that's what I mean by the shit show. We are purposely bringing these people into our lives and triggering each other. Also, what's really interesting is how we create these triggers. We actually ask our higher consciousness to bring us relationships with people who will touch our soft spot, look at our energies, notice our shadows, and maybe even bring our shadows up or project them on us. Or we project them onto them. We understand, we know this is crazy, but this is true. We know exactly what we are doing. Our ego doesn't know our ego’s clueless. It has no idea. And some people will say, well, my consciousness that doesn't want it.” Okay? Maybe the 5% of your conscious mind. Remember your conscious mind isn't as conscious as you think it is because most of us are ruled by our subconscious and it's in our subconscious that we are actually being triggered. It's from that place of subconscious programming.

 (16:53):

So if I've been programmed to believe that everyone is going to abandon me, because my mother abandoned me when she went into the hospital, my father abandoned our family, our brother was killed at a young age. Right? All of those things created these abandonment patterns and all of these patterns. And again, place whatever word you need in there for ‘patterns’, whether it's abuse patterns, abandonment patterns, disconnection patterns, numbing out patterns. Doesn't matter which pattern it is. It's created from subconscious programming. And we utilize these people in our lives to trigger us. So what is a trigger? It's any time that you have been reactive in your relationships, if you reacted by getting angry, withdrawing, disconnecting, fighting back, whatever the reaction is. And some people will say, “Well, I'm not angry. I don't get angry.” Because they don't express it to the person.

 (18:10):

But inside they're a raging mess. They're always raging inside, usually toward themselves. So a trigger is any time that you react, whether you react overtly or you react within. Triggers can also be very subtle. It doesn't have to be a really in your face type of trigger. Maybe you see a saying that says “love is the only way” and inside of you, you get triggered. You don't even know that that saying on the wall is what triggered you. Lot of times, we don't even know. Maybe the person said to you, “I understand everything that you're going through right now.” And then you are triggered on the inside and you don't even realize that you're being triggered by those words, because it's triggering the subconscious programming. It's triggering these shadows, the soft parts within you. And you have no idea that's what's going on.

 (19:18):

No clue at all. And it's so interesting how we create these experiences and how subtly we can be triggered. So let's say you are triggered by someone saying, “Well, I completely understand how you feel” and you're going inside and you're like, “Well, they are a complete mess. I don't know anything that they think that they know. They don't know anything. They have no idea what I'm going through. I'm so angry at this person, at this thing.” And you don't even recognize that this is happening because maybe it's an internal dialogue. Maybe it shows up in a way that you sabotage your life. All of these things can trigger you. And when you get a trigger or you are triggered in any way, that puts you in a lower frequency and a lower vibration of reaction, defensiveness, anger, hurt, pain, whatever, disconnect. I mean, gosh, you could run a whole gamut, right?

 (20:25):

So we're not worried about exactly what it is. I'm trying to help you understand it because some people say, “Well, I'm not angry.” So you use that example. So it's not me. Well, you can absolutely do that. That's called spiritual bypassing, but I want you to look at your triggers. Take a good look. These triggers can be very subtle in energy. So when you are triggered, that's what we want to talk about. When you are triggered, what are you supposed to do about it? You need to look at yourself. This is the area that is truly your connection with your higher consciousness. When you look at yourself and say, “Oh, that triggered me. I felt really defensive. I wanted to fight back. What is that within me?” Then you're going to have more availability of transforming and transcending that and recognizing that these triggers are a gift.

 (21:27):

They are helping you to work on yourself, to look a little deeper, to transcend and transmute. And that's actually why I teach my Akashic Records course because I want people to work at a deep, deep level. Most people surface clean these types of things. It's very, very surface energy most of the time. And when you are working from a very surface level, you're not going to really transcend these lower frequencies. It just won't happen because you're just doing everything at the surface level. But these triggers are here as a gift. They are a gift to you. So why do some people trigger you and others don't trigger you? You I've ever been with somebody and they go on and on and on about this person that you both are connected with. And you're like all those things that they're saying, I don't get it. I just don't get it.

 (22:24):

Well, why is that person triggering you and not triggering the other person? And this is super important, just as much. I mean, sometimes everyone is triggered by that one person in the office. We all know that person, but most of the time, people aren't triggered by the same people because they are not projecting on them. They are not seeing their issues or those shadow parts of themselves, the things that they're ashamed of or the things that they don't like about themselves. They're not seeing it in that person. So they don't trigger them. And I've watched this happen many, many times how people will be like, “I'm so triggered. And I'm so angry at this person, at that person, that they're doing this and they're doing this” and another person's like, “dude, it's not a big deal. They didn't really mean it that way. Don't you see their own pain?”

 (23:24):

And you're like, “No, I don't see their pain. They're making me feel painful and angry and hurt.” And that is on you, not on the other person. So if someone is triggering you, it's about you and not about them. Now I will say, there are people in this world who are narcissistic, who are abusers. Those people just get out of that relationship. Don't even have a relationship with that person that is not worth it. And if you have to have a relationship with that person, because some people aren't ready to let go of some of those relationships, then you need to look at what in them is triggering you. I did this through my whole marriage every time my husband at the time would trigger me, I would go in and say, “Okay, what's inside of me?” Every time I felt unworthy or unloved by him, I would go, “Okay, what's inside of me?

 (24:27):

What's going on inside?” And I did all this healing work and I am so grateful for all those triggers because it has helped me evolve and raise my vibration and be more in my own higher consciousness. Every relationship in your life is there to show you something about yourself, because we are all entangled in this together. Now let's talk about past life relationships. Past life relationships don't really matter. And I know many people will not agree with me and that's okay. Just hear me out. And for someone who reads the Akashic Records like I do, people are like, “Wait a minute. How can you not believe in past lives and all this karmic stuff between past lives and relationships and past lives?” Well, I see it differently. I don't see it the same as everyone else. I actually find that past lives can be very distracting when we are working on ourselves.

 (25:33):

Because if we are too focused on a past life, then we're not dealing with the issues that are right in front of us. And we're not transcending those lower frequencies and we're not healing our karma and we're not healing our relationships. I think a really good book that illustrates this is called the Afterlife of Billy Fingers: How My Bad Boy Brother Proved To Me There's Life After Death. Now I will link that in the show notes below, an Amazon link. For me, that book really illustrates how, no matter what that person is going through in their life, when they have worked through their issues, they're in a whole other experience. Spoiler alert, by the way. In the book, the sister wrote it and her brother was the one who had passed. And she talked to her brother. It's really a fascinating book.

 (26:35):

But in that, the sister was in this really tumultuous karmic relationship with her brother. And he was entangled in that same type of relationship with her, but in the book, he wasn't like, “oh, our karmic relationship.” When we had to go through all these difficult things for you to grow, for me to grow, for me to deal with my karma. That's not what he was saying. He was like, now I see everything. I see how everything played out. I understand the bigger picture. I see all the movements of every person and every thing. If we could do this in our lifetime before we die, then we can transcend some amazing karma and really move into a higher frequency here. That's what the Ascension is about. We had this availability that we've never really had before. Yes. I mean, it is possible. A lot of people will live in higher states of consciousness in so many ways, but most of us are still struggling in that energy.

 (27:53):

And we're still struggling with pain and hurt for our past. And the more that you can look inside and notice when you are being triggered, the more availability for your own transformation. When we die, we're not going through and thinking, “Oh, now I get it. They killed me in that lifetime.” We're looking at this lifetime. We look at the lifetime that we're in now. Many times we do choose our soul family to incarnate with us in our own family. But my thought is sometimes with certain Lightworkers, it may not be that way. So don't get too caught up in soulmate relationships. And I have to deal with my karma and stay in an abusive relationship because we've had a past life together. That doesn't matter. You can have a past life with anyone. Doesn't mean you have to stay in a difficult, abusive, hurtful relationship. But what it does mean is you need to look at your stuff.

 (29:02):

It's not about them. It's not about what they did to you, how they did it to you, what they're doing now. It is about you and only you. And when you want to take your power back from the shit that you create in your relationships, the more empowered you will be. The more you will live in your higher states of consciousness. And you'll feel more connected with yourself and you'll get clearer messages. Someone asked me the other day, “How come I don't get any messages? I never get any messages. I don't understand. I've been begging for messages.” And I looked at them and I said, I fully understand why you want these messages, but until you calm your energy down, you look and clear some of those lower frequencies or you deal with your over active mind. No messages can get through. Those messages are there.

 (30:04):

They don't take lunch and forget about you. Your higher consciousness is always available to give you great messages. But what happens is that you are disconnected from that subtle voice because you're just listening to your ego voice, or you're just living in pain or fear or hurt or any other lower frequencies. And when you live in those lower frequencies, it's harder for you to connect to your higher wisdom, to your oneness. And I always tell people, you need to be more in your heart in order to connect to that subtle voice inside. I love sharing this content with you. Please share it with your friends, especially if somebody could really use some help in their relationships. It's a great episode to share with them. Please subscribe and review the podcast. I'd really appreciate it. It's so helpful when I get reviews. And you have an amazing day. I love you so deeply.