Episode 40: Why Do You Shame Me?

What do I do when someone sends me an email and tells me I should be ashamed of myself? Why would anyone shame another? Shame is a very low vibration, and it is so damaging to the psyche. Shame is a way to control and manipulate others into doing what you want. In this episode, I share a story of someone shaming me and how it helped me see something within myself. And how you can transcend shame and fear. 

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Transcript

 (00:02):

Hello, and welcome to the Spiritual Expansion and Ascension podcast, your guide on this crazy spiritual journey with me, Melissa Feick. This podcast is for those who want to expand their consciousness and dive deep into the great awakening and the next paradigm shift. We'll be exploring all sorts of metaphysical and mystical topics, including timelines, parallel realities, the matrix, the quantum field manifestation, aliens, the Akashic Records, and so much more. It's time to raise your vibe.

 (00:41):

Hi, in this episode, I'm going to be discussing Spiritual Expansion, Ascension and shame. Now, wait a minute. How does that all go together? Well, I will definitely be explaining that in this episode. I want to start with mentioning that I did receive an email and this email was from a person who I had no idea who it was, probably someone new on my list. And I want to read to you what she wrote to me. And she said, “Seriously, that's your lead subject? Riding the fear bandwagon? I lost any interest in finding out more about you with that subject line. We had a president who led (she said lead) with that tag line of manipulation. Shame on you, shame on you!” So her idea was I should be ashamed and without judgment of her, because look, I recognize a lot of people will project certain things on me.

 (02:01):

It's easy to project your own issues onto others, and I'm not judging this person, but I really wanted to talk about shame and how shame is something that you really shouldn't be doing to each other, especially, especially if you're on the spiritual path. She wanted me to be ashamed because I talked about fear. Now, for all the thousands of clients I've worked with, so many deal with fear, and I would be doing a disservice to my clientele if I didn't talk about fear. Usually when I get this kind of response from someone, I just send them love and delete the email and make sure they're just unsubscribed from my list. But this time I felt really compelled to ask her something or respond to her. And part of that was the shame thing. And because I was like, wow, why should I be ashamed?

 (03:12):

Why are you shaming me? When somebody says, “shame on you,” they are shaming you. Shame is worse than fear in my book, because shame is something that so many people use to hurt others. They really use shame. “You should be ashamed of who you are. You should be like me and I am this way and you should be ashamed that you're not like this.” Our families shame us, our society shames us, and shame is such a low frequency. And I've seen it hurt a lot of people. So I want to explain what I said back. So I literally have the email right here, I kind of paste it to make my life a little bit easier. I said, “Hi C, you must not have read or listened to the video (because what I sent was a video) because you would know this is the total opposite of what you are assuming.

 (04:18):

Shame is what many of my clients are trying to transcend. I've seen the pain it causes. I won't be ashamed of explaining to people what fear looks like and how to transcend it. Coming from love and compassion is what our world really needs. Much love and light.”  So that's what I wrote back. Now, let me explain this. So I sent out an email about a video I did. It was probably about two years ago. I don't know exactly, but I loved this video. I did it for a class that I had done once, but what I was explaining is how fear accumulates. So when I've seen fear, this is really cool, and that's what I loved about this video. I thought it was so fascinating how I watched this happen clairvoyantly and energetically. And I watched somebody talk about something and they were like feeding this fear cloud.

 (05:29):

So it was this cloud of energy that was an accumulation of fear. And I watched their energy feed it. And then I watched how they were fed back by that cloud of fear. It was a fascinating experience and this happened a long time ago, but ever since then, I've always thought about that fear cloud and how that energy was feeding you. So when we have an agreement that this fear, let's say it’s the fear of ‘not enough’, of lack, right? Not enough money, not enough time, not enough love, not enough good men, good women, good whatever you love, you know, whatever it is. Good. That ‘not enough’ energy is being fed. So all that lack. So we're just using that as an example. So it's also lack energy as well, but what happens is that we're feeding it and it's being fed by us. Let's say a hundred thousand people are feeding the fear cloud of lack.

 (06:42):

Then that fear cloud of lack is feeding us as well. And energetically it's messing us up. And that's kind of what I was saying, because it controls us. We think fear is something outside of us, but it's controlling us because we feed it back and forth. And that's kind of what I explained in this video. And, so she wrote back, “No, I did not. I've been involved with spirit for several decades and fear in my spirit vibration has no place. Therefore, with a leading subject line of fear, I usually will just press delete without responding. But for some reason I responded. I imagine - with all the news media hype, pushing fear down our throats to increase their viewership, to increase their wealth and - your email just caught my eye as - Here is one more person utilizing fear to increase her wealth.

 (07:54):

If I am correct - I owe you an apology.” So that's not an apology, but that's okay. I'm not expecting one. “If not … but that is something you will have to answer to yourself because I am only certain of one thing, the subject line could have had a better tagline.” So maybe she's right in that. Maybe I shouldn't lead with fear, but because so many of my clients have talked to me personally about their fears, I thought, yeah, it's controlling us. And I want to help my clients. Now let's look at this from a perspective outside of me. So I'll take responsibility that this triggered this person. And this is the important thing. The two things I want you to look at, don't judge this person. Look, she is just coming from her own fears, because if she is that afraid of fear or resisting that much fear, then that's on her.

 (09:05):

And I don't care if she doesn't like what I say. Then she certainly isn't someone who would understand how I serve. And that's okay. Right. I'm certainly fine with that. And I don't have any attachment to any of this. So don't feel sorry for me, really. I don't, I'm not attached. And don't look at this as we're making this person out to be a bad person, because she's not. She's just living from her own place and that's okay. But let's look at this in the perspective of, we have no idea who this person is and what is really happening here. First of all, when I responded, I was curious, so this is my curiosity coming out.  I was curious what she would say about shaming me because none of it bothered me, but when she said “Shame on you,” which has happened a few times, I thought, wow, why is she shaming me?

 (10:10):

So this has happened to me more than once where people have shamed me. And so what did I do? I have to look at what is it about shame that I am attracting? So first and foremost, I have to look at my own shame not because she wants to shame me. It has nothing to do with that. But if it is in my experience being shamed, at least twice, I know I've been shamed through email. Somebody has said, literally those words, “Shame on you.” Then I have to look at that. I have to take responsibility for what is coming up within me and why I should be ashamed. And one of the things that comes up for me too, and I'm just being really transparent, is that I really try hard to help people, but there are times that I feel like I don't do enough, that I'm not doing enough for people, that I can't help everyone in the world.

 (11:21):

And I do feel a little bit of shame about that. And that is part of the reason why I started this podcast because I thought, look, I want to just serve. That really is in my heart. And I know in my truth is that I am here to serve. So I do things that are free and I want to do things that are free, but you know, I can't do everything for free because when you do a lot of things for free, people don't appreciate it. And I've done that before. And that comes from your own power of lack. So if I feel lack, then I feel like I have to give you everything for free, or at a very low discount. But in reality, I want to empower you in your abundance. I want to empower you and your transcendence of lower frequencies.

 (12:19):

And that is one of the reasons why I do this podcast, why I put these videos up on YouTube. Okay. So back to C.  So I had to look at where's my shame. And I was honest with myself and I looked at some old shame that may have come up. Right? So first and foremost, I recognize that it's mine and it has nothing to do with her, nothing to do with her at all. This is my shame that she's projecting onto me. And I also recognize it's her shame she's projecting onto me. Right? So both are legitimate, both are true on some level. So she did not address the shame, which I found really fascinating. I thought for sure she would address the shame, but she didn't. Now that tells me that she is either, and I'm judging her a little bit, but I don't mean to judge.

 (13:25):

So what I'm saying is the reason I'm telling you these things is because you need to look at this for yourself, right? So I'm honoring this person that she gave us a platform to look at this, honestly, within myself and maybe within you. So what happens? She does not take any responsibility for shaming me. And I was hoping she would say, “Oh, you know what? You're right. Shame is just as bad as fear. And I did shame you. And I apologize,” or I wasn't even expecting an apology, but some part of her would say, “Oh yeah, I shouldn't have used the word shame,” or something that showed she took responsibility for that. She wanted me to take responsibility for using the word fear, but she didn't want to take any responsibility for her using the word shame, which I found interesting. Okay, fine.

 (14:31):

Great. You know, onto the next, right. I'm not looking for this person to validate me or to make me feel better. Seriously. I'm not. But my curiosity got the best of me. And I was curious.  And I didn't say, “Hey, you shamed me. Bad you. Bad you.” What I said was, “Shame is what many of my clients are trying to transcend,” meaning when you shamed me, you know, look, this is something we're all trying to transcend. It's not healthy to tell people that they should be ashamed. And I've seen the pain it causes because I have deep pain for many people. And I said, “I won't be ashamed.” So what I said was “You want me to be ashamed but I can't. I can't be ashamed because I know in my heart that this is my truth.”

 (15:28):

And I looked at all the comments, which I had not looked at. I didn't even know. I don't know how many people commented. “Wow. Thanks so much! This is a great video.” There were a lot of comments there because the video is on my Kartra platform. I didn't know that there were even comments there. And I read through them. I glanced through quite a few. And I was like, “Okay, this is helping people. I can't be ashamed if it's helping people, but I helped her too. Right. So it triggered her in some way. Now let's look at this as an empath. So I'm going into a little bit more, so as an empath, I felt her energy and I felt her energy trying to attack me. And I don't think consciously, that she was out to get me or that I felt like a victim.

 (16:24):

I didn't, but as a really clear empath. And, as I told my retreat people this weekend, I'm one of those people who, I want to feel deeply because that's how I help people. So I'm okay with feeling really deeply, but I felt that and it hurt me for a minute. Like I felt it in my heart and I'm open to that. And I said, okay, wow, I feel this. So I checked in and I asked, you know, “Is this the wrong thing? Should I not be saying this? Is this hurting people?” And I did check in and it didn't feel like it was, but you know, I'm also very pragmatic and very grounded. So I looked into it anyway. So I did feel it, but I recognized that it wasn't me. She had no idea who I was, really no clue.

 (17:23):

She probably didn't even really remember my name, but she saw that and she just was triggered. So I recognize that. And I have compassion for that because it hurt her. Now, what she also does not know is that I don't watch any media. And even when I'm on Facebook, anything that's political or negative, I say, “I do not want to see, I do not want to see, I do not want to see,” so I don't get any of that stuff. Any of it, none of it. So I'm pretty clueless when it comes to how the media tries to control. But look, fear is not new. The media, religions, and families have been trying to shame people for forever. So they've tried to shame us for centuries. It's not new, but for some reason, this triggered her. Okay. So I recognize the trigger. I had compassion, but I felt it.

 (18:30):

I did feel it. I had to just, you know, sit with that and just ask myself, “What does it mean? What is mine in this?” because I want to take responsibility. And the other thing is I don't want to spiritually bypass, which is what we're going to get into next.  So I wanted to say that she mentioned that she's been involved with spirit for several decades. Now that tells me that she's not new to this. Maybe she teaches, maybe she has her own podcast. I don't know. I really don't know this person. I didn't look them up. You know, it's not my business. This is hers. And that she projected onto me. I feel as a gift to me because it helped me look at some things and it also will help me help others, right?

 (19:28):

Because that's really the bottom line. I want to help others. Right? I want to serve in a way that is conducive to others transcending these lower vibrations of fear and of shame. I want to look at this honestly, and not bypass it and spiritual bypassing happens all the time. What I also was curious about is would she take any awareness or responsibility for what she said to me? And she didn't, she felt very self-righteous, I'm assuming, so this is an assumption. I assume she felt self-righteous in what she said to me. Again, which is cool. Like, alright, that's fine with me. I'm okay with that. I want to honor her for what and who she is. I get it. I get that this is happening for her, but is she spiritually bypassing? Now let's look at this as a whole. Are you spiritually bypassing by seeing someone or something as a trigger?

 (20:45):

“They did this to me and it's their fault that they did this to me. And they should be ashamed of doing this to me. And I'm not going to see my part in it at all. And I'm not going to look at what it is about fear that triggers me.” And that's what I would ask her. Like, if she was open to this, I would have said, ‘Hey, what is it about fear that is triggering you? What is it with the fear thing? How does this trigger you? How is it making you feel whatever it's making you feel and that you want me to be ashamed of that?”  That would tell me that there's no spiritual bypassing going on. And again, I have compassion. Like she doesn't have to listen to me or she doesn't have to look at this. That’s super cool.

 (21:47):

Like it's okay. And I honor this and I want you to know, I really honor it. I find it fascinating actually. So if you don't know me well, I'm fascinated with humans and yes, I know I'm human, in this lifetime anyway! But I'm fascinated with why they do what they do, what they're trying to do.  The emotions that come up, the passion that shows up, I love all that stuff, but I also recognize that these people who are being triggered have an availability of transcending and transmuting these lower energies. And I want to honor that and help people to do that. And, so that's part of what I'm doing here, right? I want to help you do that.  So I wanted you to think about this. So let's look at shame. So where are we going? Shame, fear and spiritual bypassing. Shame is an energy that I see in so many of my clients. Shame is what we control ourself with.

 (23:01):

I know someone who recently said to me, “I'm really ashamed that I did that.” And I said, “Should you be ashamed of that? Is that something you really should be ashamed about? Or is that something you've always had inside of you? And it's just showing up in this one experience?” And she's like, “Yeah, you know what? I've always been ashamed. My family used shame to control us,” We came up to that and yeah, so that's what happens to us. We are shamed and we then shame ourselves. And that frequency is really part of our abuse. We don't feel shame if we don't feel abuse, we don't feel shame if we don't feel victimized. And if you look at this whole scenario, there is this energy of shame that the umbrella was over.

 (24:12):

She wanted me to be ashamed for using fear and talking about fear. And what I recognize is that that shame is something that so many people are trying to transcend. Don't shame another person. So I ask you as spiritual people, as spiritual aspirants, Lightworkers, starseeds, Oogie boogies, Loblaws, whatever you want to call yourself. I don't know. People just call themselves all sorts of labels and names. And they're very clear. “I am a starseed. I am this. I'm that.” I don't know. I don't do labels, but whatever you want to call yourself, a spiritual being. I want you to recognize that when you shame another, you are shaming yourself. When you are angry or hurt or in pain toward another, then it has to do with yourself. This is the bigger picture of things. What we put out there is what we get back and what we are creating in our world.

 (25:23):

And that's what I really want you to look at. Like, what are you creating? I want you to look at your shame this week, look at it to see what is it about shame that is inside of me? Where did that shame come from? Is this something that I learned from my religion? I really learned from my family. I learned from keeping secrets. That's another thing that's very shameful. And that's why I don't like to keep secrets. I mean, I will certainly keep other people's secrets. I tell people all the time, when you tell me something, I don't share it with the world. Like, oh, guess what so-and-so said? I think that's dishonoring the other person and it's not trusting. It's not trustworthy.  But what I do know is that when we shame another, we are ashamed within ourselves.

 (26:26):

And a lot of that comes from secrets. And secrets have a very low vibration. So if you've had to keep a secret in your life, if you have friends or family that says, “Don't tell anyone, it's a secret.” Families love to do that, there's our big dark secret. You know, they used to call it like skeletons in the closet? There's our skeleton in the closet! That uncle Joe was, uh, you know, a cross dresser. We didn't talk about uncle Joe's wearing the skirts in the closet kind of thing, right? It's that secret and that secret energy. And thank God, that's not where that part is anymore, but it's still a shame. So maybe you feel ashamed of something or you've had to keep a secret that you know nobody was allowed to know, or you didn't want anybody to know. That will cause shame within you.

 (27:25):

Fear is also part of that. Like we're afraid of what people say about us, think about us. We're afraid of the unknown. So fear is always, always, always about the unknown. Because “I'm afraid that I'll lose my job. I'm afraid that this bad thing will happen. I'm afraid somebody is going to get sick. I'm afraid somebody's going to die. I'm afraid that I'm not good enough. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid.” And all that fear when it goes down to the nitty gritty, the very bottom line, most people are just afraid of the unknown and most likely because they've been attacked in their past. And this is the example I give of that. So they are a four year old kid, you know, they're playing with their little cars or, you know, I don't know dolls, blocks, whatever little kids play with.

 (28:26):

Right. And they're just playing and they're in their own little kid world, you know, just vroom, vroom, vroom, you know, they're just in their kid world. And out of nowhere, they get hit. Whack! Or somebody starts screaming at them. So right then and there they go into that fight, flight, freeze, hide. And they're attacked out of nowhere, verbally, mentally, emotionally, energetically, spiritually attacked. And that energy is the unknown. So now they're 45 and they still feel this fear of the unknown, but it's really about when they were four when it happened. Interesting. Right? So we are fearful beings. We are taught fear. I always say fear is the ego's playground. That's something I talk a lot about, fear is the ego's playground. And then spiritually bypassing, not saying I don't have fear. “I have no shame. I have no fear. Oh, I don't want to ever talk about fear because if I talk about fear, then I’m bringing it into my energy field and that's bad.

 (29:37):

So if you talk about fear, you're a bad person.” Well, that's spiritually bypassing because most likely that person has some fear and some secrets that they are hiding. I'm not saying they are, but out of all the thousands of clients I've worked with and people I've worked with through the last 20-some odd years, I know for a fact that most likely, well, I should say ‘most likely’ this person has that. That's why they're so triggered by it because if they weren't triggered, they wouldn't have responded this way. And that's on them, it has nothing to do with my tagline or subject line, nothing. It has to do with them and their own fear that they have bypassed, that they're not looking at honestly. Then the other part of this is,  I'll just tell you, I think the subject line is, was “Fear … the controlling monster.”

 (30:49):

I actually really liked that subject line. And I even asked my good friend. I said, “Should I get rid of that subject line? Like, is it bad?” And she's like, no, it's not bad.  Sometimes I lead with a negative thing because that's when people will be like, “Yes, I've been in fear my whole life! It has sabotaged my jobs. It has sabotaged my relationships. The fear that I have within has sabotaged my health, my happiness.” Well, yeah, it has because that's what it does. And I thought the message was awesome.  But you know, I also know for a fact that not everybody resonates with what I do or resonates with what I say, especially that I talk about “don't spiritually bypass,’” especially that I talk about  “look at your stuff,” especially that I talk about

 (31:49):

 “you have to look at your shadow, look at what's going on underneath,” that I talk about where shame comes from, where fear comes from, because you can't bring in your higher states of consciousness, like unconditional love, oneness, connection if you still have fear resonating in your energy field. There's not enough room or space for that because all that fear accumulates, and it takes up a lot of room. So you can't bring in your higher consciousness and anchor in your higher consciousness if you're in a lot of fear, a lot of anger, but if you're bypassing it and pretending that everything's love and light, love and light, love and light, then you are also unable to bring in your higher state of consciousness because you're not looking at the lower frequencies that are stuck in your energy field. Does that make sense?

 (32:46):

I hope it makes sense. So, I am curious. I'd love for you to leave a review with a comment or a comment under YouTube. If you're interested, I'm curious, what is the shame that you are holding onto? What is the fear that you want to take responsibility for? What's the trigger that's been triggering you for a long time that you want to look at and you want to empower yourself because when you look at these things honestly about yourself, you are empowered and empowerment is amazing. And I don't mean power. I mean, empowerment. Empowerment can only come from the heart. Power comes from a need to control. Empowerment comes from love, compassion, oneness, recognizing that all of us are in the same boat. We're just all trying to do the best we can. And some people do it in a way that hurts others, but they don't know a lot of times they're in their own issues. Like this person, like C. She's kind of in her own stuff.

 (34:11):

And I only let her hurt me if I'm not empowered, but because I've worked on a lot of this stuff I saw through it and I have a lot of compassion. So don't feel sorry for me. It really did not hurt me. I found it fascinating. And  yeah, there's my interest. As humans, I really want to help humans to ascend. And I can't do that if I'm not being honest and open about the lower frequencies that hold us back from transcending and transmuting those lower vibrations. So I send you so much love, have a beautiful day. Don't forget to subscribe. Don't forget to leave a review, it's really helpful. And have an awesome day! Much love.